Are you an ESL teacher in  Korea?  Bored of teaching? Tired of asking the same questions day in and day out? Suicidal at hearing the same flat, dull and unemotional responses? Look no further! Simply download the PDF, copy and distribute to your students. Then sit back and enjoy the laugh.

I’M PINE is a mini dialogue for 3 characters designed to  raise awareness of mispronunciation and provide some amusement for bored teachers. If you have the energy you can explain to your class the differences between, for example, ‘fine’ and ‘pine’ or you can simply hand out the script and let them get on with it.

I’M PINE

THE CHARACTERS SHOP KEEPER (SK) /   MR FINE / MR FISH

FINE (Mr Fine walks into the Fish-shop)

SK Hello Mr Fine. How are you today?

FINE I’m pine and you?

SK I’m fine too. What would you like to buy? I  have some lovely seafood this  morning.

FINE Shi-pood! Ohh, Lovery!  What have you got?

SK I have some nice fish, cod, and delicious mackerel.

FISH (suddenly Mr Fish walks in)

FINE I want some pish!

FISH Well, here I am Mr Pine. Good morning?

FINE Good morning Mr Pish, have you come for a pish.

FISH Well, Mr Pine you do look pine. Yes, I’ve come for a pish, I love a pish on a priday.

FINE Yes, pish is so tasty and lovery. I was going to have a presh pish but I think I might have a crap instead.

FISH What sort of crap do you like?

FINE I love big, fat brown ones, esperarry with big craws. A big crap boiled is best and better than a robster. Mmm, dericious. I like my pood presh. What sort of pish do you like Mr Pish?

FISH I love a long one. Long ones are more tasty. The longer the pish the better. Mmm, tasty. (MR FISH TURNS TO SK) Can I have a long pish please? Pish and pren-chee pry – dericious!

SK Pish and cherry pie? I wish you’d speak Engrish!   

FINE And I want a big crap, a big brown crap that will fill my pot.

SK Ooooo! sorry gentlemen! You can’t pish here and you can’t crap! That’s tewibble, disgusting. If you want a pish or a crap go to the toilet!

FISH Pardon, I don’t understand. I only want a pish please.

FINE And I just want a crap, a big brown one.

SK You’re disgusting, nasty people. Go away!

FISH But, I don’t understand. This is a shi-pood shop.

FINE Yes, a pish shop is where you go for a crap.

FISH And a pish!

SK Go away! You’re very bad! Get out!

(Mr FISH and FINE walk down the road very confused why they could not buy fish or crab at a fish shop.)

FINE What a strange man Mr Pish. There are so many strange people. Last night I asked my neighbour if she’d like to see penus out of my window.

FISH How big was it? Was it ra-gee?

FINE Oooo! it was the big. Very big. I’ve never seen it so ra-gee.

FISH Was it shinny, too?

FINE Of course, Penus is always big and shiny.

FISH Was she excited? I would have been.

FINE No, she wasn’t excited at all. She was tewibbly frightened.

FISH What did you say?

FINE I said hurry, hurry Mrs Dick, you can see Penus out of my window and it is really big and shiny.

FISH What happened next?

FINE Her husband came to the door. ‘Puck you!’ He said,  and hit me in the pace with his pist.

the end…

I’m Pine PDF